Truthful Horoscopes!

AQUARIUS: You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking joke.



PISCES: You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the F.B.I. or the C.I.A. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and you are generally a dip shit.



ARIES: You are the pioneer type and think that most people are diccheads. You are quick-tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a pricc.



TAURUS: You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.



GEMINI: You are quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. GEMINI`S are notorious for thriving on incest.



CANCER: You are sympathetic and understanding to other people`s problems, which makes you a succa. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won`t be worth shit. Everyone in prison is a CANCER.



LEO: You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most LEO`S are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. LEO people are theiving muthafukas and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.



VIRGO: You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fuking. VIRGO`S make good bus drivers and pimps.



LIBRA: You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are none. Most LIBRA women are hoes. All LIBRA`S die of venerial diseases.



SCORPIO: The worst of the lot. You are shrewed in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most SCORPIO`S are murdered.



SAGITTARIUS: You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of SAGITTARIANS are drunks. Nixon was a SAGITTARIUS. You are not worth the time of day.



CAPRICORN: You are a conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shyt. There has never been a CAPRICORN of any importance. You should kill yourself.